📚 The “Books I Swear I’ll Read (Someday)” List
(Because I buy books for the aesthetic and judge myself for never cracking them open.)
📖 1. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara – For When I’m Emotionally Stable Enough (aka Never)
This book screams “I’m deep and sophisticated,” but also “Prepare for emotional devastation.” Every time I look at it, I think: Do I have the mental strength for this today? The answer? No.
Pro tip: Keep it prominently displayed on the shelf. People will assume you’re complex and emotionally resilient. (You’re not, but let them wonder.)
📜 2. Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari – Because I Love the Idea of Knowing Human History
Bought it during a “Maybe I should be smarter” phase. Imagined myself reading it at a café, nodding thoughtfully. Reality? Still haven’t cracked it open. But knowing it’s there makes me feel vaguely intellectual.
Pro tip: Memorize one random fact from the first chapter to casually drop into conversations. (“Did you know wheat domesticated humans?” Wow, so deep.)
🏹 3. The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon – “I’ll Start This When I Have Time” Energy
800+ pages of dragons, queens, and epic fantasy goodness I keep swearing I’ll devour. Every time I pick it up, I realize: I have the attention span of a goldfish.
Pro tip: Use it as a weight for flatlay photos. It looks aesthetic next to coffee mugs and houseplants.
🎩 4. The Secret History by Donna Tartt – For My “Dark Academia” Era That Never Happened
I bought it fully believing I’d become a mysterious intellectual who wears turtlenecks and reads obscure philosophy. In reality? I read two pages and got distracted by a Netflix series.
Pro tip: Leave it next to a candle and notebook. Pretend you’re journaling deep thoughts instead of writing grocery lists.
🚀 5. Dune by Frank Herbert – For When I Want to Understand the Nerds
“Read the book before watching the movie,” I said. Guess who watched the movie twice and still hasn’t touched the book? (Timothée Chalamet was right there, okay?)
Pro tip: Say “Fear is the mind-killer” at random. People will think you’ve read it. (We’re all frauds here.)
💀 6. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath – For When I’m in My “I’m a Complex Person” Mood
Bought during an existential crisis. Thought I’d unlock deep truths about myself. Turns out, I just wanted the main character energy of reading it in public.
Pro tip: Highlight random lines and post them on Instagram with moody filters. No one will question your depth.
🐉 7. The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss – Fantasy Vibes I’ll Never Commit To
Everyone raves about it. I own it. Have I read it? Absolutely not. Every time I see the page count, I choose re-watching The Witcher instead.
Pro tip: Reference “Kvothe” in conversations with fantasy nerds. They’ll assume you’re cool. You’re welcome.
👑 8. The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller – “I Want to Cry Over Greek Myths” Phase
“OMG, this book ruined me,” said everyone. And yet? There it sits—waiting for me to be emotionally brave enough for a tragic gay love story. (I am not.)
Pro tip: Tweet “Patroclus deserved better.” Instant online credibility. Zero emotional damage.
🌪️ 9. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell – “I’m Deep and Philosophical” Energy I’ll Never Achieve
The concept? Amazing. The execution? Probably confusing as hell. I wanted to be the person who “gets it.” But I’m tired, and multi-layered narratives are a lot.
Pro tip: Watch the movie. Say, “The book’s complexity doesn’t fully translate to screen.” No one will challenge you.
🏰 10. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy – For the Ultimate Flex I’ll Never Achieve
Did I buy it thinking I’d become the type of person who reads Russian literature for fun? Yes. Do I now use it as a doorstop? Also yes.
Pro tip: Post a pic of the book with the caption, “Finally starting this.” Never post an update. Let the mystery live.
